Bold Beautiful Perfect
Corianne, Bay St. Louis / Gulf Coast
Today on the blog, enjoy a beautiful essay written by our selected BBP candidate Corianne!
Life as the “big girl”
13 years ago, I weighed over 350 lbs.
For most of my life I struggled with my weight. I was always known as the quiet, sweet, “big” girl. I didn’t really have any boyfriends or any dates to dances. I had a few friends at school and pretty much stayed to myself. I remember the little snickers and side comments about my weight. I tried not to let that get to me, but it was always a struggle. I never felt pretty. Luckily, I had two really good friends who saw my true beauty. I am still lucky to be friends with those girls – over 20 years later.
Being skinny didn’t make me feel pretty
When I did my weight lost surgery in 2007, I had all the excitement of being skinny! The doctor told me I needed to do this for my health, but the media had me wanting to be skinny. My health was a second factor in my mind. I was just so excited to finally be a size 12 and not a 28.
Little did I know that skinny doesn’t equal happy. I didn’t comprehend the inner turmoil that I would wrestle with after the surgery. Losing weight is great, but the extra skin that comes along with it – not so much.
I lost my weight pretty quickly and I received many compliments. However, every time I looked in the mirror, I still saw a 350 lb. woman. How was that possible?
I was depressed. I would smile politely and thank people for their compliments, but deep down I didn’t see it myself. I wore lose fitting clothes and wouldn’t dare show my legs or arms. I was still letting others define my beauty.
How will my daughter understand her beauty if I don’t model it?
I had my second child Alyssa in 2011. She was my first girl. I think that was the wake-up call for me. She was so beautiful and I wanted her to be able to see herself through my eyes. I can’t even begin to explain her beauty. Her smile radiates the room. She is kind, loving, smart, and deserving of all the wonderful things in this world. I realized that the only way for her to see her true beauty was to mirror it myself. She would watch my every move and listen to my every word. I had to quit body shaming myself, quit getting on the scale, and learn to love and accept myself for who I am today.
Every day I work on trying to be a better version of myself than I was the day before. I push myself in both my career and personal life. I try to balance being a mom and also taking time to take care of myself. Some days are good and some days I fail miserably, but I’m always working on it.
What I wish I knew back then
I know something now that I didn’t know a decade ago: I was always beautiful. You see, you can have a pretty face and not be beautiful. True beauty comes from your soul. It’s the way you treat others, your integrity, and most importantly it’s being your most authentic self – no matter what.
One of the main reasons I wanted to participate in this project was for my daughter. She is growing up in a world where the media portrays fake beauty. I want her to know that ALL women are beautiful – regardless of size, color, or race. As women, we do not need to compete, but rather uplift one another. We all wear crowns.
Wow, what a moving story!
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